Lazy Days in Los Angeles

April 22, 2010


Happiness Level 7 (holding strong!)

1. Not Being Tired. I stayed up too late last night. I was enjoying relaxing with Robyn and watching movies. Not wanting it to end, I stayed up way past my bedtime. But today, I am not tired. Sweet.



2. Anticipating My Dad's Visit. I know he will drive me insane the minute he gets here, but I do really miss my dad and I am excited that he is coming to visit.



3. Grace's Reading. Grace read me a chapter from one of her favorite books on the way to school, Because of Winn Dixie. She reads so well.



4. Talking to a good looking young man. Talking to a very good looking young man causes a physical memory of my younger more attractive self. I don't have any Mrs. Robinson fantasies; the flush from conversation is enough.



5. The kids school. Both of my kids go to a Montessori school that I really love. Yesterday, Grace had her parent teacher conference. Grace has been in Ms. Smith's classroom for three years and Ms. Smith also taught Elias. The continuity is good for all of us.

Its Getting Harder

It has been about two weeks since I started this project and I have to admit it is getting considerably harder to come up with 5 things every day. I am hoping that it is not because I am lacking in creativity, but because many of the same things make me happy. Looking back on my posts, they have also gone from more to less specific. The research I read said that the items have to be specific, so I am going to make an effort to head back towards specific items or events that made me happy.



Happiness Level 7 (kickboxing moves the mood right up)

1. Sunshine After Rain. It rained yesterday; Los Angeles' idea of bad weather. I've been here long enough to agree. Its nice to have the sun back today, with perfect white clouds drifting in the clear blue sky, all the smog washed away.
2. A New Friend At Kickboxing. A woman at kickboxing befriended me today. She wanted to talk about Barack Obama. Not his policies, but the where he is and what he is doing and did you know he was in L.A. and isn't that exciting. In other words, hero worship. I can totally get into that and its nice to have someone pick me out of the crowd.
3. A Dove Chocolate. Suzy keeps Dove chocolates on her desk. Each one is small, but it is so rich and smooth that it overwhelms the mouth.
4. Leaving Early. I am headed home today at 3:00. I love leaving with half the day in front of me. Since I didn't get here until 11:00 this morning, I could also title this post getting in late.
5. Grace's Missing Tooth. Grace has lost one tooth - a bottom front tooth. Its a small gap, already filling with the big girl tooth. But that little gap reminds me that Grace is growing up. It also reminds me, because its only one tooth, that Grace still has a lot of little girl years ahead of her.

Trudging Along

Happiness Level 5 (no change today, very slow day)

1. Diet Coke. Its bad for me, but I love it. If I drink enough, I actually feel high.


2. My fat cat. My cat is fat and he is pretty mean. He catches birds, lizards and once a squirrel. But he loves me and I love him. Good cat.


3. Being a good wife. I sent pictures of the kids to my husband's family today. He struggles with his relationship with them. A little gesture, some pictures of the small ones, it helps him.


4. A good book. I can lose myself and find myself in a good book. I even love the feeling of dread as the end approaches and I realize its going to be over.


5. Couch time. I will admit I struggled with number 5. I do enjoy the evenings on the couch watching TV with Robyn, but I also dread them. They are always the same and seem so monotonous. Last night, however, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed Robyn and I enjoyed Lost.

Working Hard (But Really Hardly Working)

April 19, 2010

Happiness Level is at 5 (dead center and bordering on wishing I was dead)

1. Chocolate. I ate some really good chocolate. I am going to try to concentrate on the sweet, creamy taste and not the immediate feelings of guilty that trail every bite.
2. Suzie. I work with a woman who has had nearly every crappy thing that can happen, happen. Yet, she is always looking on the bright side in a way that is not only not annoying but actually contagious. She also thinks I am right a lot and pays me lots of positive compliments. Who can argue with that?
3. Working by the hour. I worked for 8 hours today. Having tucked away 8 hours on Monday, lets me ease off my general commitment to working 5 hours a day and sends me straight towards a no work Friday. Excellent.
4. Karis. Her name means Grace and I just love her. She is a crazy christian bible thumper who is not married and who has no kids. What the hell do I see in her? Everything. The only thing I question about our friendship is what the hell she sees in me.
5. My bar card. I admit it - this is lame. But today, when my new bar card came in the mail, it made me happy. That little card signifies a lot of hard work, some excellent employment opportunities, and the fact that although I have been dragging my ass through a lot of my life, I have managed to be quite successful.
   
   

Already Managed to Fall Off the Wagon

I skipped writing my five things yesterday. It seems extremely pathetic to have skipped a day so early in the process, but in the manner of brushing off and starting again, here are five things for yesterday and, I suppose, five more things for today. This is starting to seem impossible!

TODAY

(Happiness Level 6 - not bad, but given how good the day has been, pretty pathetic)

1. Joy. Okay, joy makes everyone happy, but I mean my friend Joy who is so cool and who cares about things, the world she lives in, the people around her and never makes me feel less than the same. Thanks Joy.
2. Pann's Diner. Now breakfast out doesn't usually make me happy, but today Robyn and Grace let me tag along to their ritual breakfast at Pann's. They sit at the counter. Robyn drinks coffee in a glass with ice. Everyone fawns over Grace. Its a nice tradition. Not only was I pleased to be included, but the cute busboy refilled my Diet Coke glass at least 5 times.
3. Holding hands with Grace. She has a small hand, with a callus from the monkey bars. She holds hands firmly, without wiggling and without giving the impression of a limp embarrassed fish (read Elias).
4. Waking up with Robyn. We had a nice morning. Yay for us - we need that sometimes.
5. Getting the right gift. I bought my sister Jenny a wallet. I knew she would love it and she does. I got her the same one I have, the one I got from my other sister Miriam. A good wallet is a happiness boon and I am glad to have passed it on.

Yesterday
(Happiness Level 8 - very happy until evening when dinner party went south then a 4.)

1. French bread. I took my car to get the oil changed. Instead of waiting with the extra large TV on the sports channel, I had the shuttle drop me off at the strip mall about a mile away. I did my grocery shopping, placed all my items neatly in my reusable grocery bag and walked (yes, walked in Los Angeles) back to the car dealer. The impulse loaf of long, thin french bread was sticking out the top of the bag. The bread, which was later coated in olive oil and oven roasted, allowed me the illusion of a city dweller.
2. Wind. The breeze was strong yesterday and cool, but not cold. Because I was walking, with no one to talk to and nothing to do but imagine my french bread enhanced profile, I felt the wind. And it was nice.
3. My sister Miriam. I really like her - all the damn time.
4. A clean house. I cleaned my house for our dinner party. The wood floors were so lovely and smooth. It looked clean and it smelled clean. It makes me feel like a better person to have a clean house.
5. Wasabi. If Wasabi doesn't make a person happy, nothing will.

Working My Way Back

One very good question is "who are you?" No one, actually. I haven't told a friend or posted a facebook status or sent out an email. I don't want to self-censure because I know that my husband or friends are reading along. So you are probably no one, but potentially someone and that just has to be enough.

Happiness Level 5 (Day 2 was somewhat of a fluke.)

1. Being good at my job. I am a lawyer. My job primarily involves getting guilty people a good deal. But there are opportunities, like today, to do something more than maneuver the path of least resistance through the system. Having done my part, my client will have to do the rest. Wish him luck, he needs it.


2. Knowing that I still want my marriage. Robyn and I had a real talk this morning. One in which he said that he doesn't feel very close to me and one in which I admitted that I don't feel very close to him. The part that makes me happy, the immediate sense of panic. If I feel panic, then there must still be something there.


3. Remembering things. I have a hard time remembering details. Little things get away from me and turn themselves into big things. Yesterday, I sent myself an email with two things that had to get done today: (a) submit my receipts, and (b) mail my taxes. Having remembered both, I am going to appreciate not feeling like crap for forgetting.


4. Feeding my kids a good breakfast. Being down on my mothering skills is easy, but, as tempting as it is, I will not use this space to bad-mommy myself. Instead, I am going to be happy because today Grace had homemade pancakes and Elias had TJs low-fat french toast. Both kids had yogurt and fruit and a glass of all natural (no high fructose thank you very much) limeade.


5. Making a plan. I am going to arrange a movie for Robyn and I tonight. Maybe even dinner at Truxtons. I love a plan. I love a plan even more than I love it when the plan comes together.

Day 2 - Happier By the Minute

Woke up today happy to be alive, which is - pathetic as it sounds - pretty rare. I actually lay in bed for awhile thinking about this post and what I would write about. When my daughter was particularly cute, I thought to myself "I could put that on my list." Since that is the point of this exercise, I am pleased.

There was a time in my life when to do or say anything as corny and suburban as the things I write in this blog would have turned me over in my fake 20 something grave, but now I just want to enjoy it more and I no longer give a shit whether I'm cool. With that said, prepare for some more happy happy joy joy.

Happy Meter at a Level 8 (either this is a miracle cure or I'm having a lucky day)

1. Kickboxing at Magic Johnson's 24 Hour Fitness. I need to be specific here, because I am not sure that kickboxing just anywhere would make me happy. The class at the Magic gym, however, is unparalleled. Yes, its crowded (enough that an actual "fight fight" broke out) but the energy is so high that, by the end, I actually feel like I've been snorting cocaine. There is a huge Big Red gum chewing man that shakes everyone's hand when we come in and holds the door for us when we leave. He is so damn happy to see me (and everyone else) that I feel like kissing him.
   
2. My son's homework assignment. Elias's teacher required them to write a paragraph about how they make their parents smile. Elias wrote: "I can make my mom smile by writing my assignment neatly. I can make my stepdad smile by making my mom smile." Two things are immediately apparent from that answer: (a) my kid knows me and (b) my husband loves me.
   
3. Irene. My assistant Irene can make me pretty damn happy. First of all, she buys me Diet Coke and puts it in the fridge. I love that. Today, Irene cleaned my office for me, straightened all the papers and put all the books away. If that doesn't make a girl feel special, nothing will.
   
4. Chocolate Chip Cookies. I got one at the little store today, all chocolate and soft gooey cookie.
   
5. My daughter's plan for my anniversary. Grace asked Robyn when our anniversary was. When she learned it was in June, she told Robyn to start planning now. After he left, she told me to consider what I am going to do for him. "You could buy him a pillow," she suggested. "He likes to sleep." Classic!